So, since moving back to the UK I have gradually switched all of our household bills to a monthly payment scheme. It’s the way to go here in the UK, because this method of bill payment means that you know exactly how much money you will be paying out each and every month.
For my non-British readers, this is how this system works. Let’s take my electricity company. It can assess roughly how much energy I am going to use over the next year based on what I used last year, and can set a monthly amount for me to pay. It deducts this amount from my bank account each month and I don’t have to worry about paperwork or writing checks. Over the course of the year the meter is read at three-month intervals, and if I have used a lot more power than expected then my monthly fee will be increased. If I have used less, it will be decreased. You get the picture.
Anyway, so there was one thing I hadn’t switched to this monthly scheme because it is a bill I only receive once a year, which makes it easy to forget about. It is the TV license fee. Everyone who watches TV in the UK has to have one of these by law. It funds the BBC. It’s kind of like a PBS but it is mandatory for everyone to pay for it. And I approve of this 100 per cent for many reasons.
We get such great TV shows courtesty of the beeb (as the BBC is fondly referred to). Shows like Dr Who, or Torchwood, or Sherlock. We also get marvelous factual programmes like Sir David Attenborough’s Frozen Planet, and rock-star physicist Brian Cox’s Wonders of the Universe.
We get a whole host of other services, too.
But what I really love about the BBC is that the public owns it, therefore the BBC has to remain neutral when it comes to politics and reporting the news. It is not allowed to twist the day’s events with a right-wing or left-wing agenda. This is the kind of news I like.
What it also means is that we have several great news and politcs shows like Newsnight or The Andrew Marr Show, where giants of journalist like Jeremy Paxman, Kirsty Wark and Andrew Marr get to play devil’s advocate and grill politicians of ALL stripes. And politicians of all stripes come on these shows regularly to get their grillings, up to and including our current prime minister.
Yes, Michelle, I hear you cry. But what on earth does this have to do with Red Tape?
Well. . . So I got a letter reminding me that my licence fee was due. I duly went online to the TV Licence website and I selected the option to pay for my license on a monthly basis. The annual fee is £145.50, which means that my monthly payments would be £12.12 or thereabouts, because £145.50 doesn’t divide into 12 neatly round payments.
And. . . success! That was it. No more annual fees for me, all my finances were sorted and I would know excactly where I was on a month-by-month basis. Or so I thought. . . And then I got my first bank statement after setting this up. £24 had been deducted by the TV licence people for the first month. I was confused, because that was roughly double the amount I was expecting. Surely this was a clerical error?
So I went online to the TV licence site and logged on and checked my personal account. There it was, in black and white. I would be paying £24 per month for the first six months, and then would switch to a payment of £12.12. But why? Why? Wouldn’t that mean I was paying a whole third more for the convenience of paying monthly?
By now I was feeling more than a bit indignant. I would call those TV licence people and sort this out. Stoked by the rememberance of this experience with Dutch Tape Red, and this one with British Red Tape, the more indignant I got. I found the appropriate telephone number, called it, and totally expected to get an automated voice system, because any time I need to do anything I always get an automated voice system and get left hanging on the phone for hours and hours and hours waiting to speak to an actual, you know, person. And then. . .
. . . After a few rings an actual person answered me. A very nice, friendly representative. And then I explained the situation to him–namely that I was paying too much money per month for my TV licence fee. This is what happened.
Nice Rep: “Madam, the reason we charge £24 per month for the first six months is because if you were to pay the full fee in one payment you would be paying that full fee at the beginning of the six months. So in effect you are paying for the whole year of your TV viewing in a six-month period. When that comes to an end, from then onwards you will pay £12.13 per month, which means that you will pay for six months of next year’s licence before it is due, then six months of licence after it is due. It’s to make the system fair for everyone.”
I could see the logic and fairness of that.
Me: “Thank you, that makes sense. But I certainly think you should make it clearer on your website so that people understand what’s going to happen.”
Nice Rep: “We certainly do state this on our website, Madam, but I will pass on your concerns and we’ll ensure that we make it more prominent. Thank you for your comments. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”
Me: “No, but thank you for your help.”
Meanwhile, Borg Sector R had listened in to this conversation and, being the curious Borg Sector R that she is, she loaded the TV licence website onto her laptop.
Borg Sector R: “Borg Mothership, I have something to show you,” she said, pointing at the screen with a wry grin on her face.
There, most prominently on the TV licence website, was a very clear explanation of how monthly payments would be calculated. Right next to the button to select the option for monthly payments.
Many thanks to the BBC for all your wonderful TV and radio shows. And especially for being nice to morons like me who fail spectacularly to read such clear, prominent information. 
