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This is a phrase I seem to see or hear all over the place these days. That, accompanied with the plaintiff talking about “hurt feelings.”

Well, today I’ve decided that it’s my turn. Are you ready?

I’M OFFENDED. MY FEELINGS ARE HURT!

This state of affairs came about by two related news articles I read online this week.

On Monday I saw this very nice piece on George Takei (Mr. Sulu from Star Trek). He got married to his long-term partner.

Former Star Trek actor George Takei has married his long-term partner in a Buddhist ceremony in Los Angeles.

Takei, 71, who played Mr Sulu in the sci-fi series, married business manager Brad Altman, 54, in front of a number of his Star Trek co-stars.

They included best man Walter Koenig, who played Chekhov, and matron-of-honour Nichelle Nichols - Uhura.

The wedding - at Japanese American National Museum - came after California lifted a ban on same-sex marriage.

The couple, who have been together for 21 years, wore matching white tuxedos in the ceremony.

Yay, I thought to myself. Go California for establishing equal rights for our gay fellow human beings. Live long and prosper, Mr. Sulu!

The second article featured another couple in California. They got married in church recently, but are refusing to sign their marriage license because - wait for it - they’re offended by the new wording.

Last month, Rachel Bird exchanged vows with Gideon Codding in a church wedding in front of family and friends. As far as Bird is concerned, she is a bride.

To the state of California, however, she is either “Party A” or “Party B.”

Those are the terms that have replaced “bride” and “groom” on the state’s new gender-neutral marriage licenses. And to Bird and Codding, that is unacceptable.

Hmmm, thought I, and read on.

Bird and Codding have refused to complete the new forms, a stand that has already cost them. Because their marriage is not registered with the state, Bird cannot sign up for Codding’s medical benefits or legally take his name. They are now exploring their options, she said.

Then the bride’s dad got involved:

Bird’s father, Doug Bird, pastor of Roseville’s Abundant Life Fellowship, said he is urging couples not to sign the new marriage forms, and that he is getting some support from congregants and colleagues at local churches.

“I would encourage you to refuse to sign marriage licenses with ‘Party A’ and ‘Party B,’ ” he wrote in a letter that he sent to them. “If ever there was a time for the people of the United States to stand up and let their voices be heard – this is that time.”

Oh, dear. I wanted to say, Relax, Pastor Bird, and have a nice cup of tea. The State isn’t forcing you to perform religious ceremonies for gay couples in your church, it has simply established one legal marriage document for all its citizens.

Was I offended by their offense? Not at all. They have a right to their opinions, but they don’t have the right to expect everyone else to respect or comply with their wishes. You see, they can either sign the document and be recognized as a married couple by the State, or they can refuse to sign it and not be entitled to any marriage benefits. The point is that they have a choice, unlike gay couples until June this year.

So, why am I offended?

Well, this little kerfuffle had me running to dig out my marriage certificate. You know, just to remind myself of how Oh Patient One and I are described on it.

Oh Patient One is listed as “bachelor.” I am listed as a “spinster of the parish.”

Spinster of the parish? I don’t think I like that. I mean, although it’s just a word that describes an unmarried woman, it has connotations of a dried up, bitter old crone. Bachelor, on the other hand, sounds kind of sexy. How unfair is that? That hurts my feelings!

So you know what I’m going to have to do, don’t you? I’m going to have to persuade Oh Patient One to come to San Francisco with me and get remarried (did I mention how much I loved San Francisco?).  Just so that we can be Party A and Party B.