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Desperately Seeking Susan

When I was asked to contribute to this anthology I had a tough time deciding which Desperate Housewife to write about, because for many reasons, at various times in their complicated lives (or, indeed, complicated deaths), I have alternately loved, hated, despised, gotten frustrated with and cheered on each of them.

But there's only one Desperate Housewife I would choose as a best friend. I asked myself what traits I hold dear in a best friend, and there are many, but the basic ones are these: that they are loyal, that they offer good advice and be there for me in my time of need, and that they would take great care of my kids if for some reason I could not.

I set about applying these conditions to the Desperate Housewives, examining their actions and reactions, how they conduct their lives, how they interacted with each other in season one, and I came to a conclusion that rather shocked me, and will probably shock you, too, and this is it:

If I had to pick the one housewife I most admired, the one I would want guarding my back if I were in trouble, the one I would trust with my kids, the one I would turn to if I was in trouble, it would be Susan Mayer.

"But she's a ditz," I hear you all cry. "Come on, Michelle, she gets advice about her sex life from her own teenage daughter, for goodness' sake. How can that be admirable?"

Yes, yes, yes. I know that Susan is a wacky, disorganized ditz, and her daughter Julie often appears to be the grownup in the mother-daughter relationship. I never said that Susan was the perfect mother. But she certainly isn't a bad one, either; look how well Julie has turned out so far.

"But how can you respect someone who sneaks into Edie's house thinking that Edie is having a wild night of passion with Mike, accidentally sets fire to Edie's house and then runs out without even warning Edie? Are you mad?"

Yes, I know that Susan often acts first and thinks later. I never said that she was a perfect adult with perfect reasoning skills, either. But just because Susan doesn't always control her impulses, that doesn't make her less admirable and trustworthy as a friend--many times she acts on impulse for the good of others, too, or at least what she thinks is for the good of others.

Before you all start throwing rotten tomatoes at me, come with me as I go in search of the real Susan Mayer--the woman behind the klutziness and the admittedly iffy snooping decisions.

END OF EXCERPT. LIKE IT? ORDER IT.

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